For three years my friend Britt and I have been planning a great adventure. During boring nursing classes, while drunk and pretty much every other time we hang out we’ve been hashing out the details of this amazing excursion. The first stop has always been South East Asia; revisiting the land of my heart and introducing Britt to the joys of Mekong Whisky buckets and street Pad Thai. Then it was on to Australia to work part-time as nurses, putting in just enough hours to pay for a semi-nomadic surf bum lifestyle. This plan has had so much love and hope poured into it that it feels like I could leave tomorrow and know exactly what to expect.
Today I killed the plan. Britt and I went for a walk and I took a deep breath and told her I just couldn’t go to Australia in the fall, that things had changed and I needed to stay here awhile longer and get my career on solid footing.
I find myself in constant disbelief that I made this decision. I know, in my gut that:
a) It was the right choice and
b) I want a cookie,
but it has taken a serious amount of introspection to reach this point (not about the cookie though, that’s pretty much a constant). I have, for the first time in my life, made a decision that was not based on my ever present desire to be somewhere else, but rather on sound financial principals and the possibility of creating a sound footing for my future.
I know, right? I never thought I hear those words come out of my mouth. I am the girl that people used to say was “happy with a penny in her pocket, as long as she’s in another country.” What the hell happened to me? I have come to a crazy realization: people ACTUALLY change. I’VE actually changed. I made these travelling plans when I was 20. 20 year old me never thought I’d change. 20 year old Lisa would be appalled that I have chosen debt repayment and further education over a backpack and further liver damage. That Lisa would not understand that it’s not forever, that it’s just a short postponement. She would stomp her sandal-clad feet and scream. But I’m not her anymore.
How weird is that?
Holy shit and what the fuck. Hello.
9 years ago
Sometimes I get all philosophical about it and wonder at what point the person I was when I was 17 or 20 ceased to exist. Weird.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I hear ya... I wear nylons to work and I'm thinking about buying a car. I'll always treasure the flip flops and buckets, but it's not what I want to be doing right now.